Hope is born in the Darkness, like a lighthouse calling out to a lost ship at sea, it will safely bring you through your personal storm. It will encourage and guide you safely
The evasiveness of self-esteem, sometimes you know you have it and other times only too well you don’t. So what is self-esteem?
These are just a few of the answers some people gave me when I asked them. Here is the Wikipedia definition:
Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.[1] Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.
Self-esteem can appear to come from outside of ourselves when out boss or company we work for recognizes our achievements, we feel elevated , lifted up to greater heights.
Getting praise from outside of ourselves seems to be the easiest way for it to come to us, as culturally we are conditioned not to think to highly of ourselves, a fear of getting a big head and appearing arrogant or egotistical.
So what is healthy self-esteem?
Is this only earned by working hard and achieving things or aspiring to wanting our parents, friends and siblings attention?
Real self-esteem comes from within ourselves and like any form of muscle building, it takes repetition and time to pump up our esteem of ourselves.
Most of us were mentally programmed by parents, siblings and teachers to think pretty negatively about ourselves , that’s programming is wired into us.
Our brain pathways are like super-highways when it comes to thinking poorly about a mistake we might have made.
So how do we change this programming?
One thought at a time. We have to learn to listen to yourselves, our thoughts and one by one, challenge them and change them, into a more positive regard for one’s self.
An example of this from my own experience, recently, I was early for an appointment , I had not paid attention to the appointment time, the client had booked online for a 12pm appointment and I arrived early at 11am as this is an appointment time I often make .
Upon my early arrival, my client was surprised and was keen to see me however she had an online meeting at 11am but was happy to change it to see me. I watched her calling her meeting at 11am off for me, I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I was wrong and my thinking was’ how could I be so stupid as to not read the time correctly?’
I decided there at this moment to catch these thoughts and feelings and stop them from taking over, I challenged and changed my thinking, “it’s ok, my client is ok with this, if she wasn’t I could have waited in my car for her to finish her meeting” I told myself, all is well and I am fine.
I then presented my best self and our meeting was a great success. Now if this had been before I knew about positive reinforcement, I would have been my worst self, a shameful mess with little to offer in the way of inspiration.
The evasiveness of self-esteem, sometimes you know you have it and other times only too well you don’t. So what is self-esteem?
These are just a few of the answers some people gave me when I asked them. Here is the Wikipedia definition:
Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their own worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.[1] Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.
Self-esteem can appear to come from outside of ourselves when out boss or company we work for recognizes our achievements, we feel elevated , lifted up to greater heights.
Getting praise from outside of ourselves seems to be the easiest way for it to come to us, as culturally we are conditioned not to think to highly of ourselves, a fear of getting a big head and appearing arrogant or egotistical.
So what is healthy self-esteem?
Is this only earned by working hard and achieving things or aspiring to wanting our parents, friends and siblings attention?
Real self-esteem comes from within ourselves and like any form of muscle building, it takes repetition and time to pump up our esteem of ourselves.
Most of us were mentally programmed by parents, siblings and teachers to think pretty negatively about ourselves , that’s programming is wired into us.
Our brain pathways are like super-highways when it comes to thinking poorly about a mistake we might have made.
So how do we change this programming?
One thought at a time. We have to learn to listen to yourselves, our thoughts and one by one, challenge them and change them, into a more positive regard for one’s self.
An example of this from my own experience, recently, I was early for an appointment , I had not paid attention to the appointment time, the client had booked online for a 12pm appointment and I arrived early at 11am as this is an appointment time I often make .
Upon my early arrival, my client was surprised and was keen to see me however she had an online meeting at 11am but was happy to change it to see me. I watched her calling her meeting at 11am off for me, I felt ashamed and embarrassed that I was wrong and my thinking was’ how could I be so stupid as to not read the time correctly?’
I decided there at this moment to catch these thoughts and feelings and stop them from taking over, I challenged and changed my thinking, “it’s ok, my client is ok with this, if she wasn’t I could have waited in my car for her to finish her meeting” I told myself, all is well and I am fine.
I then presented my best self and our meeting was a great success. Now if this had been before I knew about positive reinforcement, I would have been my worst self, a shameful mess with little to offer in the way of inspiration.
