A common issue for many parents, “Why am I yelling at my children?” There must be a better way, the good news, there is.

I am trained in PET Parent Effectiveness Training with the Cooperative Family Centre in Melbourne teaching the skills developed by Dr. Thomas Gordon, Nobel Peace Prize nominee, as well as family reconciliation.  The basis of my work involves active listening skills and cognitive behavioural therapy.

Sometimes, families break down and can cause estrangement of family members. This can cause and emotionally crippling situation, where family members ask themselves, “what went wrong?” “What did I do wrong?” “it must be my fault?”

In family situations, we are frequently dealing with difficult personalities.

Feelings of guilt, fear and shame may have crept into your space, perhaps a deep feeling of failure as a parent. These thoughts and feelings are not uncommon and can lead to a sense of loss of purpose and depression.

The good news is there is help and often these thoughts are just that thoughts and far from the truth.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is part of a range of strategies, for depression, grief, loneliness, and loss as examples.

It is a therapy I like to teach my clients to access, as it teaches them to be their own Counsellors , it is a great problem-solving tool, it is empowering and can relive stress and help with finding happiness.

I encourage my clients to read,

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
Book by David D. Burns

CBT is a formula, to use when faced with a problem, there are basic steps, to put the problem through the formula. The second step is to gauge the emotions, you are feeling, at this time of stress, identifying your feelings is not taught at schools, so it can take some assistance in identifying what the feeling is, and just how strongly you are experiencing it. Measuring the intensity can be insightful, and the last step in the formula is to measure the feelings again 1 out of 100. Usually the intensity of the emotion, has dropped significantly at the end of the CBT formula session.

Stress Management is also, about lifestyle. Exercising and eating well, taking the best care of yourself . All the above help and hopefully the stress is not long term, however, sometimes financial worries, relationship break ups, work situations when dealing with difficult people can prolong the stress .

Having a STOIC approach to problematic, ongoing situations can become a way of life. The dictionary defines Stoic as meaning:

a person who can endure pain or hardship without showing their feelings or complaining.

“The Stoic Challenge”
A Philosopher’s Guild to becoming tougher, calmer and more resilient
William B. Irvine

The above is another book, that uses the stoic tool.

I like the way, William Irvine frames it when he writes:

“many people, I should add, have an incorrect perception of Stoics. They think of them as emotionless, beings who primary goal was to stand there and bare it, to grimly take whatever life threw at them, but this is not the case. Their goal was not to banish emotions but to minimise the number of negative emotions – such as feeling of frustration, anger, grief, and envy that they experienced. They had nothing against the experience of positive emotions, including delight and even joy. “ … “ their goal was not to remain calm whiles suffering a setback, but rather to experience a setback without there by suffering. An important difference. “

Stress management is reframing the approach to the problem, I like to help my clients find out just how to do this.

Are you unsure of your own judgment when it comes to meeting the opposite sex. Perhaps you are preparing to go out on a date and have had a negative experience in the past?

Maybe it has been a long time since you have taken the step, looking for a partner to share your life with?

There is quite a bit to navigate in these situations, does this person like kids? how available are they? are they kind and express their thoughts feelings freely, are they willing to travel?

I often hear, mostly from women, saying there “no good ones left, they are all married and taken.”

Or they are on- line with someone who is 3000 kilometres away!

You do not need to look that far, to find the right person, you do however, need to open your eyes, to the possibility that there are many suitable partners within a 20-minute radius of your house. Many who are possibly spending most Saturday nights alone in front of the TV…just like you are.

Finding the right person for you can be a process, discernment is necessary.

Does this person say and do what they say they are going to do? Like are they on time? How do they behave around family and friends ? These are just some of the hurdles newly formed relationships need to go through.

If you are interested in learning more about the dating game, let me know there are ways of sorting the chaff from the grains of gold just waiting to be found.